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Faith, Fearful, Fundraising

Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 7.36.22 AM

I posted this picture a couple of days ago on my Facebook page.  My heart has been struggling lately with feeling weak and a bit fearful.  It is that point though, when I stop and remember that HE IS GREATER THAN ALL OF MY FEARS!!

One of the things I fear besides great sickness with cf, is fundraising!  There is nothing in me that likes it.  I feel awkward, and tongue tied, and really…just backwards about it all. I am a mom after all.  One who stays home every day with five beautiful children reading children’s books (like,   Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, and Brown Bear.)  So to come before people, friends, business and request they help in my most professional manner to help, is beyond daunting!

Sounds crazy, I know.  I do it EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR!  But…it is as if I am standing on that ledge in the picture each year.  I am scared, I am prepared to be rejected, I am fearful that others will see my desperation as a mama to make a better life for my girl as anything other than that.  I would do nearly anything within my power to take this burden from my child, yet fundraising is currently the only way that I know how.  So…I put my faith in Jesus to lead well and engage in faith.

We finished the Great Strides Walk event this year, with amazing t-shirt sponsors, and purchase as well as wonderful donations from people who really care about us.  It was good!  Really good on the backside of a pretty demanding year with cf.  But then the next weekend after the walk we did another big event that had a small fundraising opportunity with a track meet concession stand.  It was a TON of work.  But a HUGE blessing (especially since the normal homeschool meet and our Great Strides Walk were on the same day this year and we would have had pick one over the other).   The joy to watch them compete made it completely worth all of the extra work to see my kids get to smile and enjoy both of those events.  As an added bonus we were able to give another couple hundred dollars towards finding a cure for cf.

After those two events, I was able to relax, reflect and process those events.  The hardest part of doing fundraising is that my mind is always on.  I am a fairly slow processor.  It takes quite and time for me to be able to process my thoughts well.  Living in a home with 7 wonderful individuals, makes time a precious commodity!  Fundraising takes an incredible amount of emotional and physical energy for me.  So, when it was over this year, I felt good.  Combating the daily battles of cf is often an enormous physical and emotional challenge.  Then asking others to engage with you causes me to truly step out on that ledge.  I am a people pleaser by nature and an introvert.  I don’t EVER like for people to be upset with me or think poorly of me, my decisions or anyone that I love, and it is hard to share my heart at times.  Being public with your life, your passions, your heart for a cure for your daughter ultimately causes some (even if they don’t say it to my face) to think poorly.  Consequently,  that time after the walk each year is such a beautiful time of just…enjoying and appreciating the life and breath that God has given each of us in our family.

HOWEVER

Since about February we have been kicking around the idea of doing a larger fundraiser with our cousin, Jennie Finch.  We have laid it before the Lord, and put a lot of prayer surrounding it.  I was good with it happening, and I was equally good with it not happening this year.  I know that all that the Lord does is a gift.  The more we prayed, the more He directed. The more we waited patiently, the more things fell in place when the time was right. It has been a true faith building experience.  As excited as I have been to watch God move things into place, I have had equal reservations.  I feel like I am yet again asking others to help my daughter.  While this sounds noble, and it sounds like it would be no big deal…it is SO HARD for me.  Many friends have not even heard about it until now.   When I have mentioned it, it’s been under my breath with almost a sense of guilt.  Today a friend posted something on greed, and I began thinking, “What if she is talking about me?”  Is our fundraising greedy?  Are we asking for too much.  And, honestly, it made me sad for a minute, but literally in the very next breath, MY BREATH…I thought about how desperately I want my baby girl to have a chance at being a 40 year old mom someday and the tears instantly stung my eyes and my passion and heart were renewed.

IF I DON’T FIGHT TO RAISE MONEY FOR HER…WHO ELSE WILL!!!

Even with these new medication, cf has the ability to break us, to bring us to our knees.  There is damage in her sweet body that is irrevocable.  The upcoming medications are hopeful at not just slowing cf, but possibly stopping the carnage in her precious body!  When I think of the 20something young girl sitting in her car the other day crying because she was breathless walking out of the hospital and was just tired of the fight of cf and the energy and life it took for her…it was a reminder.  I CAN do something to help my baby.  I WILL do all that is within my power, by the Lord’s grace, to bring that cure to her! I am humbled and deeply thankful that Jennie has agreed to come and bless our cause and our family with her heart and talent!

IMAG0066-2

Jennie Finch For Cystic Fibrosis

#JF4CF!

So today we launched the website and started taking registrations for this fundraiser, I have laid this before the Lord, and will continue to do so on a daily basis.  I also would ask that you be prayerful with us.  Pray for Jennie and protection over her and her beautiful family.  Her generous heart and humble spirit are a blessing to us, and I know will also bless so many who come to the clinic, and the seminar, and those battling cf.  Pray for my sweet friend, Shana and her girls, who have worked so diligently to make forms, calls, and get things up and running with the website. And last of all please pray for our family.  It is a scary place to be totally dependent on the Lord.  CF throws so many curves at us on a weekly/monthly basis,  adding a fundraising event brings the level of dependance up tenfold. I know He is able, but it is still a faith building time for me.

Please take a moment to check out the website.  (It is still a work in process.) But if you know anyone who is interested in softball, please pass this along.

http://rachelsraiseofhope.wix.com/jfforcf#!contact-us/msm3u

So while I do not know about tomorrow.  Or how this fundraiser will go…I do know that we have laid it before the Lord and asked Him to make the way clear.  We feel that He has asked us to be open, and in that process pointing us to a wonderful fundraising platform.  I know that He will use it to share our life, our faith and our trust in the ONE who made us!  And…if we can throw some money to beat cystic fibrosis in the meantime…GLORY TO HIM!!

In our heart…we want a cure for CYSTIC FIBROSIS!!

It will take our Faith,
our Fears at His Feet,
and Fundraising!

But we fully know…it IS all about Him anyways!

Psalm 10:17
O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear

 

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