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Uncharted Territory/Sickness

This weekend we experienced some illness.  It was little Miss Rachel, and thankfully, she seems to be on the otherside of it, PRAISE THE LORD!!!  However, it really threw me for a loop.  Let me explain…or at least try to process my emotions through this post.

66808_10201725671847449_1441181965_nThis is how Miss Rachel spent upwards of the last 36 hours.  She went out to eat a her favorite place on a date with dad.  Then a couple of hours later, she started complaining of a tummy ache.  It grew intensely worse with lots of tears and pain until about midnight when she got sick.  After that, she slept till morning.  I woke her to do her treatment and she was all smiles until we started her treatment.  Don’t know if it was the motion and shaking or just more time having pasted and the fact that she is a huge optimist.  She wanted to feel better. =)  Needless to say it all went down hill from treatment time.  She spent ALL day on the couch and next to the trashcan.

Now the twist of this all is that we have had plenty of times where she has been sick.  And a few times where she has been REALLY sick.  However, this is the first time in her almost 8 years (will be eight in two weeks) of life that she has ever had a stomach issue.  If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you know that she has been sick from the switching of enzymes, and from eating too much/gagging on food, but I can literally count the times she has ever thrown up on one hand, and never from really being “tummy” sick.  Her respiratory illness have gotten her down, but usually just weariness from trying to cough up a lung.  So the bonus of that thus far is that we see her still running and trying to keep up with everyone, while looking and sounding like crud.  Sometimes wheezy and gasping for air, but still trying like crazy to keep going.  So to see her just lying on the couch was hard.  She slept for a good chunk of the day too.  This is also very different.  When she has a lung issue it means we go into “survival mode” as caregivers.  Lots of work!!!  Between treatments, washing and sterilizing it sometimes gets intense.  Then there is the anxiety levels that go way up with the uncertainty of a possible hospitalizations or just how her body will fight the illness.  Although we certainly don’t like it, it is a path that we have traveled several times.  This sickness was different territory.

We are still convinced that this was a bout with food poison.  (But initially we were guessing at what it could be related to CF…forgotten enzymes, a bowel blockage…ect.)  But, it was so odd to see Rachel struggle with something somewhat “normal” or more common than what she deals with in regard to CF.  The part that really threw me is that while this was “normal”, and I have experienced this kind of sickness with everyone of my other children…it was so different with Rachel.   She was too sick to do her treatment in the morning (we did it, and used the percussor so it didn’t shake her so violently, and waited until after one pm.), too sick to take her medicines.  Threw up her maintenance antibiotics…lost a bunch of fluids.   And overall,  just cried and felt terrible.  As a mama, I felt helpless watching her suffer, and yet knowing that it was something that she would just have to get through.  However, I think having an underlying illness like CF reminds you that you are ALWAYS on guard, and unfortunately that CF is NOT something that will just pass.  It is something that will continue to try to to kick her down and steal her life!  Dealing with CF daily is beneficial in that it also keeps you trying to anticipate the next defensive step.  With the loss of fluids for Rachel, it had me concerned a bit how it would affect her little body with CF.  Knowing that CF complicates everything and that anything can happen with even “normal” type illnesses.  Those icky thoughts still creep in… severe reactions that you often hear about happen to who?…the elderly, the young and people like Rachel.  Thankfully…she seemed to come out alright!!

The heart/faith issue for me throughout the weekend was facing those reoccurring fears of the future.  Comforting and tending to Rachel brought that nagging fear from the background to the forefront of my mind.  There is a dismal future with CF and unless we find a cure for this disease, there will come a day when I will be helplessly sitting beside my very sick and possibly dying child.  UGGG!!!!   Hard to even remotely consider.  And while I have great hope most days, experiences like this weekend are the emotional burdens that parents of CF (and any chronic or acute disease) carry constantly.  It is heavy.  But… honestly…I don’t think about it a lot, I CAN’T!!  It is too hard!  But it is something that, at times rises to the forefront and must be dealt with in prayer and trust in the Lord.  He is gracious and kind!  His love is strong enough to handle the path that is before us!  CF provides a constant arena for growing my faith.  Whether it is through a little food poisoning or just the daily happenings.  Thankful to be walking with Jesus!GetAttachment-4.aspx

Today….I enjoyed seeing all of my precious kiddos smiling and feeling well today!!





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