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Hard to Believe

It is so hard to believe that just 730 days have gone by since I last talked to my sweet mama.  It feels like forever and at the same time just yesterday.  Amazing, but in a really sad and difficult way!  Two years ago today we were planning and preparing for mom to leave the hospital (via hospice) to come to our home for her final days here on earth.  Little did we know that it would just 1 day!  26 hours after she arrived at our home she was with Jesus.  Praise be to the King of glory, but so very sad for those of us left here.It is such an awesome thing for me to have  imagined even one day with out my precious mother only 2 years ago.  She was incredible.  She was an inspiration.  She was the light of Jesus here on earth to me.  She prayed for me, encouraged me, loved me, drove me deeper in my relationship with Jesus and others, and I miss her!  When I think that two whole years of events, and memories have been made with out her the tears freely fall with a heart that is heavy with grief and sadness.   I know how much she has affected me and oh how I long for her effect on my sweet children.  I know that they have missed  (and will truly never know some of her greatness) having one of the most enduring people that I have ever known daily affect their lives.

Sometimes I see grandparents and it just breaks my heart that my kiddos don’t have those special memories to look forward to, with out my mom.  All of my kids still talk almost weekly how much they loved going over to grandmas house.  She cooked with them, did crafts with them and just had a house that was A LOT ABOUT THEM!  She lived to love those kiddos.  Everything that they did was amazing and through a new set of eyes for her.  She loved that!  I miss that terribly.  There is nothing like someone else thinking that your children are wonderful=).  And, there is no one that does that other than grandparents.  While we are truly blessed to have Paul’s mom and grandmother still with us, somehow with grandparents it comes down to “the more the better”.  The kids benefit so much from having people that care about them.  We miss my mom’s godly, loving influence!

The memories are sweet and the heart ache intense as I process the day.  The last day that I talked to my mom this side of heaven. Little did we know that the time here at our house would be soooo short.  She basically was wheeled in from the ambulance full of smiles and excitement, moved to her bed, adjusted a bit, and then closed her eyes for a rest.  We had great plans for her time here.  When talking to the doctor earlier that day, before she came home, he said that she could have anywhere from a couple more days to a couple weeks.  Who knew that it would only be a matter of minutes that we had to talk and love on my mama before she went to sleep.  As I reflect on these days, it is hard, but good to reflect on the amazing love that we shared with my sweet mama.  I don’t know if it will every get any easier..but I know that glory gets closer with each passing day.  Someday soon I will be face to face with my wonderful Savior…and will be reunited with my precious mother.  No more tears, no more sadness-only joy eternal!  It is hard to imagine, but so excited for that day.  Until then-I rest in the comfort of my loving Lord while there is still much work for me to do here on this earth.

Thankful and blessed!

I can only imagine the joy that mom experiences daily.  The kids and I talk about her running and singing before the King of Glory almost daily.  I CAN only imagine..and it is truly glorious!  In the meantime…it is hard to believe that it has been 2 years!  Thankful for my precious mom and the sweet memories that fill my heart and mind daily.  God is truly good!


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