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Thankful for family.

So blessed by these two great aunts. So sweet, and loving. Amazed by their godly heritage.

Saturday we celebrated my great-aunts 90th birthday.  It was a joyous celebration, but I could not get over the amount of emotional difficulty that I had.  I knew that it would be tough since this was the first time that we have really had the opportunity to see all of our relatives since my mom’s death.

The morning that we left, I could feel the emotional tidal wave coming, but pushed it aside and just kept doing what I needed to do to get us out the door.  As we arrived at the little town of Ireton, that I had been to so, so many times growing up, I felt the lump in my chest rise.  I couldn’t remember the directions on how to get to the town, I knew what my aunts house looked like and how to get there once we entered her town, but this was the first time in my life that I had ever traveled there without my mother (good thing for google map).  I hadn’t paid close attention to which corner among the  mile after mile of corn fields that we needed to turn on.

As we got out of the car, and hugged everyone…the tears came.  At first slow and contained, and then to the point that I had to remove myself from the eyes of others.  No can ever understand the relationship that I had with my mother or how very deeply she is missed.  It was a feeling of loss that was so intesnse, it felt like it has ripped my healing wounds right open again.  Oh how I longed to be, “Oh that is Vicky’s daughter.” in the present again.  As we talked to the other people from the community there were several of the people that came and talked to us about my mom.  The tears rolled again.  Never would I know mom’s side of any of these stories or people that I encountered. My two great aunts. Sweet as ever.  So blessed by their godly heritage.

During the celebrations for aunt Ada she was surrounded by her two children, four grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren and I was thrilled for her and so incredibly heartbroken that my children would never have the opportunity to really know my mother.  As children we are so oblivious to the world around us or the blessings of people that love and care for us.  As much as my children knew they were loved by my mother…they will never be able to really grasp the depth of that amazing love.  It was like no other.  My cousin read a poem about his grandmother, that brought tears to everyone’s eyes but especially to mine.  I feel so incredibly slighted by not having my mom to share life with.  I know that God is in control and that He is always good, but….I still feel the pain so intensely during times like those.  I would have taken another day with my mom, let alone the joy of having her live to be a blooming 90 years old.  I am grateful that my aunt has been so blessed, but I do feel that  sting of sadness that we were not blessed with that additional 30 years with my sweet mama.

I am so excited to see our family in 20+ years.  I have been blessed greatly with four amazing children.  It is such a privilege to be called their mother.  I am grateful for the great gift from the Lord.

Upon leaving my aunts celebration I was greatly blessed, by the love that only comes from family.  There is something that is so incredibly special about family.  Even if you don’t see them every day, and possibly live very different lives…they are still family.  There is a connection that is so deeply woven in the making of who we are.  They are the ones that know your past, and the past of the people that made you who you are.  There is something divine about that knowledge.  The love felt was God’s spirit in human form.  I am thankful for the family that I have!

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