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Giving it her all

Tonight as I was tucking the kids in bed I had the joy of reading the girls several Bible stories.  I was super tired and just ready not to have to communicate anymore with anyone.  This feels like it has been a super long week.  However, I was blessed by even the little story like Bible story that I read.  It was from Mark 4 (I think, I guess it shows my weariness of mind) the story was about the woman who dug deep into her pockets and came up with only two coins.  I so often feel that way in so many areas.

As I look at this week and the level of stress I have felt dealing with Rachel’s current sickness, I know that I have relayed that stress to each one of my kids in so many ways.  I feel frustrated that I don’t  seem to be able to handle everything.   I have been extremely irritable and short with my precious children, my house is a disaster, my husband has had little of my attention, I have had little emotional energy for my friends, my time with the Lord has mostly been a plea for strength and sanity through this storm, and I have come to His presence with very little left in my pocket.

Tonight the Lord in His grace and mercy reminded me to come with what I have.  I feel at the end of my strength, and the Lord reminded me I am where He can shine.  He wants us to give everything we have.  While I feel like I have been doing that,  He gently reminded me tonight that it is in His strength that I can do all things.  Now I am still sooooo tired.  This is the kind of week that I have had so many emotional up’s and down’s.  My mind feels like it has been on constant overdrive all day everyday this week.  Trying to listen, discern, pray, call, work, do, try a little hard to make things better…God knows this.  I have felt on the edge of tears all day at my inability to keep it all together.  This story of the woman was a joyful reminder that giving it all means not only giving of our  money, but really everything.

Today I worked all day trying to get the medicine for Rachel.  It is pretty expensive (5k) for the month long dose, so there was a tie up with our insurance company.  Finally after more than 8 phone calls to various places, I finally got it figured out WITH THE LORD’S HELP at about 10 to 5pm on a Friday night.  The pharmacy agreed to overnight it to us, rather than the initial waiting until Tuesday to get it. God is good, but it took all the fight I had left in me with 3+ hours of treatments everyday this week, not to mention the added mental strain of 11 new doses of medicines.  Although I am still frustrated with all of my inaccuracies  and failures, I know that I have given it my all, God does too.=)

Lord, I give it all to you.  My worries, joys, frustrations, weariness, work… my everything is yours.  I love you for loving me the way I am and for using your word to bless, and remind me of your care for me in whatever state I am.  When I am poor in heart, and strength you are there with strength to carry me.


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